I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I stole a fireplace last night.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
