; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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