evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I bet he comes in French.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
