Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
