Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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