i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
