if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
