Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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