The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
