there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
