im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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