I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
