You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
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