Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
