If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
