I wish I could teleport
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
