I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
