you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Sorry about my life...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
