Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
