no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
