Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
