i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
