When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
