pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
