So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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