just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You ruined the universe
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
