Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
