i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
