I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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