the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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