My liver just broke up with me...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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