How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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