At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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