She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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