just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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