I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
