Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
