I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
