Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
