i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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