I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It's rum buckets o'clock
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
