oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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