I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
