Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
