come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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