Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
