dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
