i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
