I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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