Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
